I forget where I initially heard about caring vs. curiosity, but more than ever I have become more in tune with this relationship in my own life, even within my own family.
There are people that truly care about you and there are those that are just curious, which is a nice way of saying “nosy.”
This very dynamic has made me reconsider a few things…
Social Media…oh how I love and hate it. Yes, it’s great to be able to see what people are up to, especially for those who have friends and family scattered across the globe. But in a way it has made us socially lazy. All we have to do is scroll through our news feed and get sucked into the Facebook abyss. As much as I’d like to give it up, there are a few people I enjoy following and seeing pictures of cute puppies. Until then, I’ll only post what I want people to see. Those who care know where to find me.
Text Messages…even in the world of unlimited talk and text, no one can be bothered to dial their phones and talk. There have been several occasions where a texting dialogue starts and when I try to call, no answer, followed by – I can’t talk right now because I’m doing whatever it is I’m doing but I can still text. Totally baffles me. Sometimes a bit insulting. I understand there is a time and occasion where texting is appropriate…forwarding contact info, addresses, quick 1-2 liners, while on public transportation. But back and forth exchanges that could’ve been easily remedied by a phone call – annoying. I’ve often thought about going on a texting hiatus…and only answering phone calls. I’m getting close.
I remember as a kid my parents had visitors drop by the house unannounced all the time and their phone ringing off the hook. No one does that any more. Maybe this is a trait of their generation and culture.
Technology has made it waaaaay to easy to be curious. But when you actually care about someone, connecting requires some effort. Not a lot, just some, which I think is not a big ask.
Last weekend, I met up with a friend, who in all honesty I didn’t know very well. She reached out to me wanting to pick my brain about making a career change. Apparently I have a reputation of being successful in reinventing myself…which I wholeheartedly confess that I am always a work in progress. Nonetheless, I appreciated the time and energy she took to reach out and schedule time to connect.
We talked about all sorts of things…work, life, bikes, friends, family…and the caring vs. curiosity subject came up. We had a great discussion about how during your time of need, that’s when people who truly care (vs. curious) come out of the woodwork.
I told her about the time I broke my ribs a few months back. One friend picked me up from urgent care and let me crash at their place. That same friend and one other helped me drive my car back to Denver the next day. Another friend came over and brought me dinner. She didn’t even ask. She just did it. As a fellow single gal with no immediate family around, she knew. I was in so much pain the first few days that when people asked if I needed help, I didn’t know how to answer. I just wanted to sleep and not move until the pain went away. I will be forever grateful for my friends and their kindness in my time of need.
When I told her this story, she was shocked that more people hadn’t stepped up. I told her I wasn’t. “You see, there are people who care and those who are curious.” Once I made that statement, she knew exactly what I was talking about.
To those I care about, I’ll always make time for you. You know who you are.