Gross Things About Triathletes

After reading an article listing the 6 Grossest Things About Triathlon, I began to evaluate which ones I have been guilty of. Well, almost all of them.

  1. Urination. Yep. I’ve pee’d in my wetsuit…I’ve pee’d while swimming…I’ve pee’d on triathlon-i-pee-on-my-bike-hoodies-men-s-hoodie my bike (only during races)…and I’ve pee’d on the run. In most cases I’ll never win my age group, so why not make a pit stop at the porto-potty? Well, once I sit down, it’s hard to get up and going again. Newton’s first law of motion states that “An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.” That unbalanced force – the urge to go pee – easily remedied by just going. This skill set is something I actually cover with the athletes I coach who race long-distance events. Wanna learn? Shoot me a message!
  2. Snot Rocket – Guilty. First of all, I’m not pulling over to blow my nose. Secondly, carrying Kleenex during a long ride can go really bad if there’s a lot of blog-snot-rocket-1500x1286-2-1024x878 moisture. Then you just end up with a big ass spit looking wad in your back pocket. Finally, it’s a great way to get someone off your back wheel. Get out of my draft buddy! The trick here is to let it brew, build up, and then let it out with a lot of force while plugging the opposite nostril. With practice, you can throw these puppies with a lot of precision. Cracks in the road make great target practice!
  3. G.I Distress aka Sour Gut. When this happens, it sucks. I can say I’ve been pretty fortunate to dial in my race day nutrition fart_story_650_121414044341 well enough that this really isn’t an issue. I may pass gas, but that happens when you’re taking in air with every sip of water or electrolyte drink. I remember during the run at IM Kona this guy in front of me was farting up a storm. It was on the Queen K Highway as we approached the Energy Lab and it was super dark and really quiet…aside from his toots. As I ran by, he profusely apologized. No judgement man. I just pee’d while walking through the last aid station. It’s all good!
  4. Saddle Sores. I managed to avoid these for an extremely long time.But the more you ride, the likelihood of getting one of saddlesorethese puppies increases. They are not fun. I remember my first one and will never ever forget it. As I was riding along, this crazy sharp pain shot right up from one teeny spot in my nether regions. Holy mama.
  5. Body Hair. Most dudes shave their legs. For women, it’s a given. But I will say this sport has prompted me to do things I normally wouldn’t have previously…like lasering away as much of my body hair as I can. Why? It’s one less thing I have to worry about. Plus, after riding your bike for over 100 miles – having a jungle down there can’t be very pleasant. Just saying.
  6. Nipple Chafing. Never been an issue. I keep my girls pretty snug and luckily they’re not that big. Hopefully they stay that way! When new triathletes whine about how tight fitting their racing kits are…there’s a reason folks. No one likes to chafe…and nipple chafing I suspect is worse.

I’m sure we can come up with all sorts of gross things that triathletes do to get ready for race day. I’ve heard it all and done a few from licking the salt right off your skin, shoving ice down your shorts…and pre-race enemas as one of the grossest I’ve come across. Won’t be trying that anytime soon.

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