Where do you get your motivation to keep going? For many athletes I work with, they often come to me as a source of encouragement and motivation. But where do I go when I’m just not feeling it?

I’m not going to lie, it’s been rough, really rough. The struggle bus has pulled up, parked out front, and it’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

This past weekend I sat on my ass and watched TV for two straight days. While this might be the norm for the majority of folks, this was totally out of character for yours truly.

I felt myself starting to fall into this downward spiral of self-pity and darkness. The last time I remember feeling like this was towards the end of 2015, and it took me almost two years to dig myself out of that one.

I have everything in the world to be grateful for. An amazing husband who makes the best breakfast every morning without fail, a really good job and awesome colleagues, my friends and family are safe and well. But the one thing I’m not happy with is myself.

In all honesty it has been a while since I’ve liked the reflection I see in the mirror. Biology and bad habits have turned my body into something I no longer recognize. I no longer feel the pep in the step I used to have so many years ago. If my scale could talk, it would say “get running you lazy bum!”

Now I find that I’m questioning myself, a lot. Am I being too hard on people in my life? Did I do something wrong or wronged someone? Am I a terrible person? Everyone else can find motivation, so why am I falling behind?

I’ve never been one to jump on bandwagons of 30-day challenges or whatever flavor you want to call it. I just want to find that inner fire that I know is there and it wants to get stoked.

On Sunday night I finally had enough of feeling blah and gave myself a big metaphorical slap in the face.

One day at a time. I will wake up. I will get my body moving. I will love that person I see in the mirror again.